The hardest mindset habit of all?

I posted this weekly Facebook feature, Monday Mindset. I thought I’d also add it to a blog post so that it was available for you to look over and use any time, because it’s such an important skill to develop.

One of the hardest challenges of all in fact, something that every single one of us has failed at many times and will do so again in the future. But that doesn't mean it's not worth thinking about and trying to find some tools to help manage it when it happens.

What is it?

It's the ability to separate our actions from our emotions. To press pause when we're about to do things that we know are unhelpful for our long-term goals and ambitions.

Have you ever eaten junk food because you felt low? Skipped an exercise session because you were mentally tired? Maybe had a drink (or two, or three) because you'd had a stressful time?

Then you know what I mean. We often want to perform better, healthier habits, especially when we have goals we want to achieve, but life gets in the way and we make snap decisions that later on we wish we hadn't. 'I wish I'd not eaten that entire box of chocolates last night!' 'My head wishes I'd not drunk both of those bottles of wine!'

So can we break this cycle? Can we get our rational brain to talk to our emotional brain, just long enough to press pause, avoid doing what we don't really want to, and stick to the plan?

If yes, then how?

The answer is different for everyone, but here are a few ideas that might be helpful. Feel free of course, to adapt them or to think up some of your own.

• - POST-IT NOTES: A client of mine used to have one on the biscuit tin that simply read, 'Are you sure?'

• - PHONE AND CALENDAR REMINDERS: If you know when you're most likely to eat the wrong things, or head to the pub with colleagues, can you prepare yourself a message, a bit like our post-its above, that just asks you if you really want to do this?

• - DISTRACTORS: If a message isn't enough, can you ramp it up by setting appointments or catch-ups that mean you physically can't do the wrong thing. Many years ago, I had a man request that I train him at 9pm on a Friday in the gym. He wanted me to work him really hard so that he was too tired to go out afterwards. The plan was to save him over £100 in booze, kebabs, and taxis, plus all the health benefits that came with it. The PT session was cheap at half the price, literally!

• - SUPPORT CREW: Sometimes, we don't have the willpower to say no on our own. That's when enlisting the help of someone else makes a difference. It doesn't have to be a PT like in the case above. It can be a family member, friend, or work colleague, maybe it's someone who's working on a similar goal and needs the same assistance.

Do any of these ideas work for you? Do you have another tool, tactic, or technique you can use instead? If so, please do share it if you're willing so that others can benefit from it too.

Whatever it is, see if you can use it to press pause once or twice this week. And please do let me know if you manage it, I'll be hugely impressed.

X reasons why herbs are great for your health

One of our sage plants in full bloom on our allotment.

The term ‘herb’ describes a huge range of plants. A herb can be described as any plant with leaves, seeds, or flowers that are used for flavouring, as a food, in perfume, or as a medicine.

In botanical terms, a herb is any seed-bearing plant that does not have a woody stem and that dies down to the ground after flowering.

They’ve been a huge part of human medicine, diet, and culture for millennia, but many of their wonderful benefits have been forgotten in our modern world of heavily processed foods.

Let’s take a look at some of the key benefits of growing herbs and/or adding more of them into your diet:

Some flat-leaf parsley given to us by a lovely neighbour.

Nutrients

Probably the most obvious benefit of adding herbs into your diet is the vast abundance of health-giving nutrients that they provide. Herbs are amongst the highest antioxidant-containing foodstuffs on the planet. They’re also rich in other phytonutrients (plant goodies)!

Rosemary, for example, is a good source of ursolic acid, which has been shown in studies to shut down a substance in your body that increases inflammation and cell damage. Ginger and turmeric contain similarly helpful nutrients.

And it’s not just decreasing inflammation that herbs are helpful for. Here are some other great benefits that they can boast on their CV:

1. The high antioxidant levels can help to protect against ageing and heart disease.

2. Antioxidants and other nutrients like phytoestrogens may play a powerful role in your body’s ability to prevent cancers.

3. They help to keep your immune system strong and healthy.

4. They also have antibacterial and antimicrobial properties, meaning they can help to prevent infection and aid healing.

I’d say those were some pretty good reasons to add more herbs into your diet. But what else can they do?

Taste without the calories

When we want to add taste to our meals, it’s easy to reach for sauces, mayonnaise, and other dressings. And, whilst they can make your meals tasty, they’re often high in calories. Cooking with herbs or sprinkling them onto meat, fish, vegetables, and salads can give you powerful flavour with a lot fewer calories.

Herbs do, of course, still contain some calories (all foods do), but opting for herbs that are nutrient-rich without being energy-dense is a much healthier choice.

Taste without the salt

One of our other favourite go-to’s when it comes to flavour is salt. There’s nothing wrong with salt of course. It’s a good source of nutrients including sodium, which is essential in your body. But, too much sodium can increase the volume of water in your bloodstream and, over time, raise your blood pressure.

Herbs like rosemary, thyme, or spices like paprika (more on these another time) make great seasonings for meals and improve your health at the same time.

Aromatherapy

Herbs smell good. Wandering through your herb garden, or even just growing a few in pots on the windowsill, is a great way to give your nostrils a hug! The strong aroma of peppermint may help to fight nausea, and lavender is well known for its ability to help you relax and sleep better. Garlic can help in all sorts of ways, not least in fighting off vampires! ;-)

Recipes

Maybe I’ve got you thinking that you might want a few more herbs in your diet. If so, here are a few great recipes I’ve found on the web.

Allrecipes.com - a wide range of salads, sauces, pestos, and chutneys all made with herbs.

10 great herb recipes - something for everyone with mains, snacks, desserts and teas made from herbs.

Making the most of fresh herbs - I love the herbs in ice cubes idea here for extra flavour in your cool summer drinks!

Getting to grips with the Locust of Control

The locust of control - naturalists, don’t look too closely, it may be a grasshopper!

When things are bugging you, it’s well worth hopping to it and working on this quick, simple task about your locus of control. That’s locus, not locust, and I promise not to plague you with any more bad jokes based on the similarity between the two. ;-)

What is locus of control?

It’s all to do with how much control you have over something - I use it a lot with clients when looking at things they can do to improve their health, fitness or wellbeing, and in particular when discussing stress management. That’s because one of the main aspects of feeling stressed is that we can feel out of control - anything that helps to tip the scales back in our favour a little bit can be helpful.

There are two parts to your locus of control:

1. External locus - This is the stuff that’s impacting your health, fitness or stress levels that you have no control over. You can’t change it or do anything about it.

2. Internal locus - This is the stuff that you absolutely can do something about; the things you have the power to change.

Taking back control

For the following task, I’ve used stress as the example, partly because as I’ve already mentioned, long-term stress is often connected with feeling out of control, and partly because I know many of us are finding things challenging right now.

You can use it for any health, fitness or wellbeing goal you have though, and in fact, in any aspect of your life where you want to make some changes.

Step 1: Identify the things not in your control

There will always be things we can’t do anything about. With someone struggling with stress, this might be things like:

• Health issues for a loved one

• An existing medical condition of their own

• The state of the economy and possibly even the financial situation of the company you work for

• What the housing market is doing if you’re trying to sell your house

• A worldwide pandemic of a previously unheard of virus

Make a list of the things that could affect your goal that you feel you can’t do anything about.

Step 2: Practice acceptance

I’m not saying this is easy and it won’t work all the time, but if there are things you can’t control or do anything about, there’s no point worrying about them. I’m well aware that this isn’t how stress and anxiety works - it’s not rational and we can worry about things when we know there’s no need. It is still worth practising the art of acceptance though. The same goes for health too - our age, gender, genetics and more can all affect our health and we can’t control them, so we just have to keep practising acceptance that that’s the case.

The simple act of making the list of these things can help you to realise that they’re not within your power and help you to begin letting go some of the worries you have about them. Practising acceptance of them does also, in a strange way, give you more control over them, proving that nothing is truly out of your power to influence positively.

Step 3: Focus on your internal locus

Now it’s time to make your list of the things that are within your control; the things you can do something about to help you achieve your goal. This is the foundation of all of the work we do here at balance - recognising that so much of our health and wellbeing is within our reach by doing the right things. There’s plenty of research to show that the more in control you feel, the better you feel about your wellbeing - you start to see yourself as the pilot of your own destiny.

For stress, this might be things such as exercise, practising coping mechanisms like meditation or breathing techniques, getting into nature, listening to your favourite music and so on.

Whatever your goal, write your list now. Start it as broad as possible - no idea is a bad idea, just get it down as it may well come in useful.

You’ve now got an action plan of things you can do to help yourself, which can feel incredibly empowering.

It can also feel a little overwhelming, as you might have a number of things on your list and not know where to start. Here’s my advice on how to deal with this:

1. Pick the easiest thing on the list to do first

2. Focus on this one thing until you feel you’re on top of it, before picking the next easiest, and so on.

Picking something easy guarantees a quick win, and quick wins will give you a good boost of dopamine, providing the motivation to move onto the next one and keep the ball rolling. It’s that snowball effect; you start small and once it’s rolling, it keeps picking up pace and size and all of a sudden, it’s no longer difficult to do these helpful things, in fact, it’s hard to stop doing them and you feel great!

We’re often tempted to go with the biggest change first, or the one we feel the most pressure to change, like we think that’s what others would expect us to work on, but start simple and get into the habit of being successful.

Step 4: Maintaining momentum

Changing just one or two things on your list might be enough to help you achieve what you’re after, so it’s entirely up to you how many things you work on over time - it’s all about finding the right balance for you. Do consider that it’s always good to have a goal and to be challenging yourself - it’s what gives us the motivation to improve.

If you do happen to master all of the things on your internal locus list, you can always revisit your external locus list and see if there’s anything on there that you now feel you have more power to be able to change for the better..

Coming back to this task frequently and over time, gradully building the size of your internal locus list will allow you to feel like you are more in control of your own destiny. And with more control, comes less stress and a feeling of balance.

What's it like living with depression?

Some of you will have read my blog a few months ago about habits to help beat depression. You’ll know that this year I’ve had to face the challenge of living with depression for the first time in my life really. I thought I’d share with you a little about what it’s like so that you might better understand and be able to help others you know who will experience it. Of course, these are just my experiences and everyone is different so always bear that in mind and remember three things…

1) Nobody is defined by an illness, no matter what it is. They are not the illness, they are still themselves, they just happen to have a condition

2) Listen - never presume you know what it’s like, even if you’ve been through it yourself. Each person’s experience is different, so take time to listen to them

3) Ask - find out from them how you can best help and be patient, they won’t always know the answer straight away.

What is it like for me?

• Let’s start with what it’s not - it isn’t a constant thing, it comes and goes, sometimes suddenly, sometimes creeping up over days. Sometimes it lasts a few hours, sometimes it lasts a few days. Many days it isn’t there at all whilst on others it’s ever-present

• It also isn’t feeling sad, down or upset, rather it’s feeling empty, lacking in my usual drive to get on and do things which for me is a weird experience. All of my life has always been so driven thinking about my next work or exercise challenge, pushing myself to the next level. But when I feel like this, it’s a challenge to do more than a few hours of work each day, it exhausts me. Many people I’ve worked with find it hard to get the motivation to exercise when they feel this way; for me it’s the complete opposite - the simplicity of putting one foot in front of the other or jut turning those pedals appeals greatly, it’s the effort of thinking for work that’s the real challenge

• Some people might say ‘but you know how to deal with this as it’s you job to help people, so why don’t you just do the things you should and snap out of it?’ It doesn’t quite work like that; depression has many causes and the habits I talk about in balance are just one part of the process of recovery. They definitely help, I know they do - I exercise, I eat well, I drink very little and I don’t smoke or do drugs and all of these habits make me feel good

• The one area I have struggled with is socialising - it’s a strange contradiction as you know that being around people is good for you, yet the malaise you feel makes it hard for you to get out there. Withdrawal is a common challenge in depression and I’ve not quite worked out how to overcome this one yet. I find myself deliberately waiting in bed until my housemate has gone to work, not wanting to communicate. I think you also sometimes don’t want to be seen when you’re not on top of your game, or maybe that’s just me because I think I feel the pressure to always be energised and positive because of what I do

• That pressure to be ‘Mr Balance’ is a bigger one for me than I’d ever thought it would be. One of the main points of balance is that none of us is perfect, myself included - we all have days where we can’t be bothered to exercise, where we make poorer food choices, where we don’t feel perfectly balanced, but I’ve felt more expectation on me in recent times to be ‘perfect’. As an example, I recently posted a little rant on my personal page as I was just frustrated with the state of the world and with many people - I wasn’t feeling depressed or down that day, it’s normal to have a balance of emotions. We should feel positive, happy and energised at times, whilst at others we might feel anxious, sad or tired; most of the time we’ll probably just sit somewhere in the middle feeling not very much at all. For whatever reason, my whinge led to many well-meaning checks that I was ok - I guess it’s my own fault having created the persona of balance. Funnily enough, it was this that actually made me feel down that day, as if I was expected to be Mother Theresa or Nelson Mandela (and I don’t look like either of them…yet).

I started this short blog piece with some suggestions about things you should do with those challenged by depression, so I’ll finish with some considerations for what not to do:

1) I probably wouldn’t ask if they’re ok - they’re not right now. Instead, treat them as you normally would - talk about football, Love Island, the annoying lady at work, just be how you always are with them

2) Don’t make suggestions - ‘why don’t you…’ or ‘have you tried…’ aren’t always what’s required. As I said at the start, listen to them if and when they want to talk and then ask what would be most helpful for them.

Have a balanced week all (and remember, that means ups, downs and just fair to middling).

Paul

Developing better relationships with food

If I could achieve just one thing for my clients, it would be to help them to enjoy a better relationship with food. It can be such a wonderful thing, so good for us and with so many tastes and textures to enjoy. It’s difficult though as there’s so much media coverage around food these days, what’s ‘good’ and ‘bad’ for us, what we ‘should’ and ‘must not’ eat. Then there’s the pressures of society to look a certain way, the quest for the body beautiful and the insecurities brought about by seeing other’s ‘wonderfully perfect’ lives through the filter of social media.

What follows are some things to consider when looking to improve your relationship with food. This is not designed to help if you feel or know that you have an eating disorder. In this instance, you should seek medical help as your health is at risk in the long term. Instead, it’s targeted at the largely unrecognised group in the community who have ‘disordered eating’; you have a poor, negative relationship with food which can strongly impact your mood, making you stressed about food choices and often guilty afterwards and lead to an unbalanced approach to what you eat and drink.

1)        Recognise that you must eat and drink

We must have food and water. Without them, we cannot survive. This means that far from being bad for us, they’re the stuff of life. This makes them very different from things like alcohol or cigarettes, where we may look to quit completely. Accept food and drink as an essential and inevitable part of your life and work to better your relationship with it from there.

2)        Understand that no single food is ‘good’ or ‘bad’

So often you’ll hear that this is bad for you and this is good for you, but the reality is that no food or drink is either when consumed as a one-off, then it’s just food. Things become good or bad over time when we have too much of certain things or too little of others. With that in mind, you can worry much less about what you have today.

3)        Opt for a balanced approach instead of abstinence

Did you ever see the episode of Derren Brown’s show where he placed the animal-loving lady in a room with a kitten inside a glass box? As he closed the door, he gave her specific instructions not to touch the button in the room or the cat would come to harm. There was even a big sign…’Whatever you do, don’t push the button.’ What do you think she did? Of course, the cat wasn’t harmed, but it went to show that human beings in their nature are rebellious. If we say ‘I won’t’ or are told, ‘you can’t’, then it’s probably more likely that we will. And after a period of resistance, we often end up overdoing it in response.

If you know this to be true for you, tell yourself that you absolutely can have the less healthy foods, just recognise the consequences of having too much too often.

There are a small number of people for who going cold turkey and removing a certain food from their diet works. This is usually because they have a very powerful motivation for it, so if you know that’s you then that is of course absolutely fine, you’re always free to do what’s best for you.

4)        Eat consciously, because you’re hungry and stop when you’re full

This is a big part of this step and the portion control step. Tuning in to your body helps you to understand if you’re eating because of hunger or emotion. Slow yourself down around food, become conscious of what you’re doing and you may find you eat less or even change your mind before you reach for the less healthy options.

5)        Accept that you will slip up, and at this point you only have two choices

As we said in point 1, you are going to eat on all, or at least most of the rest of the days of your life. That means it’s almost impossible to eat and drink well every day, nor do you need to. There are lots of studies to show that taking healthy eating to the extreme is unhealthy, it’s known as orthorexia and it can be harmful to your physical and mental health. Raw food diets and restrictive eating affect the digestive system and are linked with anxiety and depression.

The key with food is that once you’ve eaten something less healthy, you only have two choices:

1)   Get back to eating healthily most of the time and then it won’t have made any difference

2)   Continue to eat poorer choices and then you know you’ll feel bad about it, your health will worse and you’ll likely gain weight

Which choice would you prefer?

6)        Work to remove the connection in your brain between food as a treat or reward

This is ingrained in our culture and society so it won’t happen overnight. It is worth working on though. We often call less healthy foods ‘treats’ or label them as ‘naughty’ which in itself makes eating them an act of rebellion like we discussed in point 3. There are some simple things you can do though:

   Regard all foods and drinks as simply food and drinks. They’re not good, bad, treats or anything else. Each is simply a mix of the different nutrients – carbohydrates, fats, proteins, vitamins, minerals and water

   When you set yourself tasks and goals and achieve them, reward yourself with things other than food and drink. Clothes can be a good choice as they reinforce the benefits of the new healthier you, as can experiences like days out, things that make you feel good without guilt.

7)        Enjoy the less healthy options when you have them

The worst thing of all is to eat something and feel bad about it. Make a conscious decision to have something, and if you’re going to have a less healthy option, choose one that you particularly enjoy, that you love the taste of and when you have it, savour it. Take your time with it, savour every last mouthful and then move forwards without regrets.

Above all else, work on finding a balance that works for you.